Funny Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Funny with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Funny quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

I have better use for my brain than to poison it with alcohol. To put alcohol in the human brain is like putting sand in the bearings of an engine.
THOMAS EDISON

Alcohol Brain Engine Funny Human Poison Sand
I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not.
COCO CHANEL

Champagne Funny Love Occasion
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.
MARK TWAIN

Funny Humour Inspirational Tomorrow
There is truth in wine and children.
PLATO

Alcohol Children Funny Truth Wine
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I’m under the table/After four I’m under my host.
DOROTHY PARKER

Drink Food Funny Myself
I’d never buy my girl a watch… she’s already got a clock over the stove.
CHARLES BARKLEY

Funny Gift Myself Relationship Woman
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Funny Humour Joke Truth World
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called Ego.
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

Climb Dog Ego Funny Humour
What is politics? Political system is equal to development politics plus political politics.
A. P. J. ABDUL KALAM

Developmentment Funny Humour Politics
Someone once said “The only thing that will be left after a nuclear holocaust is Cher and cockroaches.” I think that’s funny, because, you know, I am a survivor. If I am anything, that’s what I am.
CHER

Funny Myself Survive Thinking
Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind.
BILL CLINTON

Funny Greatness Stand Woman
When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.
VOLTAIRE

Funny Human Nature Humour Money Religion
I like girls who have two eyes.
HARRY STYLES

Eyes Flirt Funny Girl
Gemini Man has me thinking about a quote a wise man once said: “Who are you? I am you. I am me. No sir, you are you.
WILL SMITH

Funny Humour Sarcastic
It’s okay to eat fish because they don’t have any feelings.
KURT COBAIN

Eat Feeling Fish Funny Sarcastic
In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

Funny Heaven Humour Interesting Missing People
Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly.
SIGMUND FREUD

Funny Human Being Love Open Person Refuse
Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER

Alcohol Baby Beer Drink Funny Grow Up Milk
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
CLINT EASTWOOD

Funny Inspirational Sarcastic
It’s funny how some people can make you feel alone and be right next to you. While others can be thousands of miles away and still make you feel connected.
A.J XANDER

Alone Connection Feel Feeling Funny Love People Relationship Yourself
My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.
INDIRA GANDHI

Funny Himself Kind Leadership Success
Everyone’s trying to reach the top. Tell me how far is it from the bottom.
PETER TOSH

Experience Funny Try
Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I’m tired.
MAE WEST

Door Funny Men Sarcastic Tired
It’s a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.
ROALD DAHL

Children Disguise Father Funny Imagination Mother Parents Wonderful
I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
OSCAR WILDE

Funny Heaven Humour
Mr. Bean’: Childish, anarchic behaviour will always be funny.
ROWAN ATKINSON

Behaviour Funny
One day ladies will take their computers for walks in the park and tell each other, “My little computer said such a funny thing this morning”.
ALAN TURING

Funny Future Morning Technology Walk Woman

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