“My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.”

Imagination is the beginning of creation.

Doing what needs to be done may not make you happy, but it will make you great.

A man of my spiritual intensity does not eat corpses.

Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.

The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality of happiness, and by no means a necessity of life.

You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.

To be in hell is to drift; to be in heaven is to steer.

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness.

Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.

There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

I have my own soul. My own spark of divine fire.

Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

A clever arrangement of bad eggs will never make a good omelet.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Don’t interrupt me while I’m interrupting.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.