I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg I type a 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg I went to the airport, I put my bag in the x-ray machine, I found out my bag has cancer. It only has six more months to hold stuff.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg Pepperidge Farm bread. That’s fancy bread. You can tell it’s fancy because it’s wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn’t open. That’s why I don’t buy it. I don’t need another step between me and toast.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg I love my fed-ex guy cause he’s a drug dealer and he don’t even know it…and he’s always on time.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg Thoughts on a tapestry. Colour or black and white. A brush, a pen, A flash of light. Ideas flowing soon, about to take flight.
Gerard GleesonGerard Gleeson Like deep water, she was silent. His lips tasted of salt. He was both addicting and bitter all at once.
MoomerMoomer Always show kindness and love to others. Your words might be filling the empty places in someone else heart.
Alexander KandovAlexander Kandov And I would lie on your chest for hours and dream about the world in your arms but your thoughts were in another world.
Ani ShahverdyanAni Shahverdyan Your smile and your laughter lit my whole world.
Ranata SuzukiRanata Suzuki Often all we can do is breathe, even that can be hard sometimes.
Julia Kellogg HenryJulia Kellogg Henry
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