A fair share of anything is starvation diet to an egomaniac.
QUENTIN CRISPIf I were God – and I never understand why I’m not – I should say, “Shop around, I don’t think you’ll find a better bargain than here.”
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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Mainstream people dislike homosexuality because they can’t help concentrating on what homosexual men do to one another. And when you contemplate what people do, you think of yourself doing it. And they don’t like that. That’s the famous joke:
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The key is never, never work. Nothing is more aging than work. It’s not only the strain of getting up in the morning for work, but it’s the resentment that settles on your face
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In England, nobody’s your friend.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?’
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Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.
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You don’t have to deal with anyone in America. They accept you the way you are.
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I take it to be axiomatic that people are revolted by witnessing the shameless gratification of an appetite they do not share.
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The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
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No effort is required to define or even attain happiness, but enormous concentration is needed to abandon everything else.
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Women have decided to be people, which is a great mistake. Women were nicer than people.
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Nothing in our culture, not even home computers, is more overrated than the epidermal felicity of two featherless bipeds in desperate congress.
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I had a friend who had two degrees of being made up: when invited I would say ‘Can I make up?’ and he would say ‘Oh yes – tinted?’, or he would say, ‘Oh yes – clotted?’
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The gymnasiacs of Venice, in California, are so addicted to these practices that there has arisen a nation of men who can no longer put their arms against their sides
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An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.
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If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
QUENTIN CRISP