If I were God – and I never understand why I’m not – I should say, “Shop around, I don’t think you’ll find a better bargain than here.”
QUENTIN CRISPThe more people one has to love, the more one’s capacity to love stretches.
More Quentin Crisp Quotes
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The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.
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To lose is not always failure.
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One should always be wary of anyone who promises that their love will last longer than a weekend.
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An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.
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Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret.
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To live in the past is to miss today’s opportunities and tomorrow’s blessings.
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If you truly love me, kill the bartender.
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Of course I lie to people. But I lie altruistically – for our mutual good. The lie is the basic building block of good manners. That may seem mildly shocking to a moralist – but then what isn’t?
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If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?’
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When asked, ‘Shall I tell my mother I’m gay?’, I reply, ‘Never tell your mother anything.
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Flowers are words even a baby can understand.
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In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.
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If you don’t stay in some days, you can’t recharge your batteries.
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I never saw Portsmouth by day.
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Happiness is the only thing I understand.
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The young always have the same problem – how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.
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Fashion is a way of not having to decide who you are. Style is deciding who you are and being able to perpetuate it.
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The trouble with children is that they’re not returnable.
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The worst part of being gay in the twentieth century is all that damn disco music to which one has to listen.
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I asked a girl who came from America to England, when I was only English, and she admitted she had been to a drama school. And I said, “What did they teach you?” And she said, “They taught me to be a candle burning in an empty room.”
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I take it to be axiomatic that people are revolted by witnessing the shameless gratification of an appetite they do not share.
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When I was young, we thought that Oscar Wilde was a great nobleman who had thrown his life away for love. Nothing could be less true. He slept with East Enders who were procured for him by Lord Alfred Douglas.
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I never say ‘No’ to anything.
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Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses.
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As we all know from witnessing the consuming jealousy of husbands who are never faithful, people do not confine themselves to the emotions to which they are entitled.
QUENTIN CRISP