I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
P. J. O'ROURKEPeople will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.
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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
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People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.
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Liberals have invented whole college majors – psychology, sociology and women’s studies – to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
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Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.
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Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don’t draft people; it’s not jury duty.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
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There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
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The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable.
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I read good. I was an English major.
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We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
P. J. O'ROURKE