Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKEIn our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
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Regulation creates a moral hazard.
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I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
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The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.
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Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
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Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse.
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I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
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Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn’t exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
P. J. O'ROURKE






