Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'ROURKEI look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I’m not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
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If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it’s a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also – to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
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We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
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Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
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Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren’t present.
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.
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Maybe climate change is a threat, and maybe climate change has been tarted up by climatologists trolling for research grant cash. It doesn’t matter.
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Rich people don’t like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don’t go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.
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All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
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The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
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I had always thought of Egypt as a rather secular country. And I think it is, but people are quite observant of the strictures of Ramadan.
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People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it’s simply a measurement.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.
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The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
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I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.
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Catchphrases flourish in contemporary American English.
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Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
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Everybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
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Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt.
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Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
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The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions.
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The most brilliant satire of all time was ‘A Modest Proposal’ by Jonathan Swift. You’ll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
P. J. O'ROURKE