I’m too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom’s earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works.
P. J. O'ROURKELet’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The divorce rate in 1946 was higher than it ever had been and as high as it ever would be until the ’70s. The reason was that prior relationships had not endured the strain of war.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it’s probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
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Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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Catchphrases flourish in contemporary American English.
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I believe in God. God created the world.
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You can’t get rid of poverty by giving people money.
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Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines.
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Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.
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Liberals have invented whole college majors – psychology, sociology and women’s studies – to prove that nothing is anybody’s fault.
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Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.
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Regulation creates a moral hazard.
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The most brilliant satire of all time was ‘A Modest Proposal’ by Jonathan Swift. You’ll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
P. J. O'ROURKE