Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKELet’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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Why do elites hate the poor? It’s xenophobia. They don’t know any poor people – except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal immigrant cleaning lady from Upper Revolta who don’t speak English.
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Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You’d better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.
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Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware.
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You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.
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No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
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Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
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Regulation creates a moral hazard.
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I believe in God. God created the world.
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We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
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Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
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Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.
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The people who despise America are the editors of the ‘New Statesman.’ Their green-card applications must have been turned down.
P. J. O'ROURKE