“When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.”

Once you let the words go, you have no control over how they’re printed or what the media does with them. So there’s no point in trying to make plans or to control it.

I like reading books that provide you with knowledge that you previously didn’t have. And books you have a chance to grow as a human being after reading them.

My biggest regret is that I’ve assisted the media in making me into a cartoon character. I don’t regret what has happened to me, but I regret the way I have dealt with it.

It’s an immense amount of pressure, celebrity itself.

I would really love to go on an archaeological dig.

Don’t let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone who doesn’t give a damn about you.

I have to feel like I’m in control of my body.

I could go days, weeks, without talking to another human being.

And you know, the people who hate kids and don’t want kids always end up having 50 of them.

I would like to uncover the secrets of the universe.

I married my husband who is thirteen years older, so I will always be a trophy wife for him.

I am not just sitting and reading everything because honestly sometimes the scripts that appeal to me are projects that are not good projects, but I just really like the script or the characters.

I haven’t gone completely insane, but it might happen soon.

Even when I’m trying to be straightforward and honest and my comments are innocent, inevitably they get turned into something sort of salacious.

There are the people who really, really enjoy being celebrities, and then there are the people who came by it maybe by accident.

Sarcasm doesn’t translate in print at all.

When I tried to branch out into comedy, I didn’t do very well at it, so I went back to doing what I do naturally well, or what the audience expects from me – action pictures.

When I first did theatre, I was always doing comedies; it was always my first love. But it wasn’t what I was picked for at first, for films and TV.

Action comedy, if you can get it right, it is, for me, a particularly brilliant genre. It really is.

When I do comedy, I lose all inhibition and introspection. I no longer care.

People who know me , they know I have a sense of humor, I’m a bit of a joker, a bit of a clown really, and I would love someone to exploit that side of me and send me a romantic comedy.

Doing drama is, in a sense, easier. In doing comedy, if you don’t get that laugh, there’s something wrong.

I don’t think Hollywood knows what to do with me. I would imagine that when it comes to romantic comedies, my name would be pretty low down on the list.

Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.