The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARDI’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
LEWIS GRIZZARD