I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
LEWIS GRIZZARDKinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
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Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
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Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
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They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
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Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
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Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
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Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
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Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work.
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD