The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARDKinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
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They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
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Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
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Spring time is the land awakening.
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It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
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I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
LEWIS GRIZZARD






