There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
LEWIS GRIZZARDSpring time is the land awakening.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
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I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
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I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
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Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
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Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
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If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
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It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
LEWIS GRIZZARD