The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARDSex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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Spring time is the land awakening.
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They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
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I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
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It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
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Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
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There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
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Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
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It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
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I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’
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I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
LEWIS GRIZZARD