They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
LEWIS GRIZZARDSex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
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It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
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Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
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Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
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I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
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If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
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I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
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Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
LEWIS GRIZZARD