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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

Lewis Grizzard

Spring time is the land awakening.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Awaken Land Time
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Food Time Wrong Yourself
Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Drive Start Vehicle Walk
I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Beyond Education Intelligence People
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Life Sexuality Sick
Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Afraid Dance Love Stand Thinking
Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Change Different Language Talk Understand Word
Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Creativity Language Life Passion Soul Teaching Work
I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Happiness Hate Man Myself Peace
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Farm Grow Money Tree
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Choice Gift Home Marriage Myself Woman
There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Identity Personality South
When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Care Funny Lady Love Myself Old Room Time
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Alone Fact Family Marriage Myself Sleep
They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Heart Myself
I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Myself Restaurant Smoking

The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

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