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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

Lewis Grizzard

Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Crazy Discussion Ideas Male Open Relationship Yourself
Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Animal Difference Sex
I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Myself Restaurant Smoking
Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Drive Start Vehicle Walk
Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Enjoyment Sex Start Woman
When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Care Funny Lady Love Myself Old Room Time
It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Better Children Death News Politics Slow
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Life Sexuality Sick
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Farm Grow Money Tree
There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Dirty Hard Inheritance Reality Sex Yourself
The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Fry Himself Idiot
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Choice Gift Home Marriage Myself Woman
It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Difficult Eat Happiness Thinking
I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Letters Marriage Myself People Possible Woman
Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Creativity Language Life Passion Soul Teaching Work
Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Death Feeling Goodness Myself

The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

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