What do you do when it rains?” The captain answered frankly. “I get wet.
JOSEPH HELLERHistory was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind.
More Joseph Heller Quotes
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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
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Where were you born?” “On a battlefield,” [Yossarian] answered. “No, no. In what state were you born?” “In a state of innocence.
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The villains will come along. There were plenty in the Carter administration, and there will be plenty with Reagan.
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I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy.
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I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.
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Destiny is a good thing to accept when it’s going your way. When it isn’t, don’t call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
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Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
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Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you.
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Insanity is contagious.
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He was going to live forever, or die in the attempt.
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Frankly, I’d like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.
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But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.
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All of my books deal in a very rough, rude fashion with subjects about which there are great conflicts of opinion.
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She was the epitome of stately sorrow each time she smiled.
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You’re an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I’m an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I’m in an ideal position to appreciate it.
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History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind.
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The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.
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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren’t paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
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They agreed that it was neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never questioned anything.
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Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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I don’t believe in miracles because it’s been a long time since we’ve had any.
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For war there is always enough. It’s peace that’s expensive.
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The question is: what is a sane man to do in an insane society?
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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Mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.
JOSEPH HELLER