Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
JOAN RIVERSTravel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
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The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERS -
Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
JOAN RIVERS -
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
JOAN RIVERS