You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
JOAN RIVERSTravel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
JOAN RIVERS