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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

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Darkness Hard Time Optimism Positive Present Success Thinking

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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Black Friendship Himself Myself Possible Race
You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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Better laid than never.
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Better One Liner Sex
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
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Goodness Hands Library Look Men Woman
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
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Children Guilty Herself Humor Letter Mother Myself People Sorry
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
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Date Fashion Marriage Mom Myself
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Eat Food Yourself
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Funny Humor Husband Marriage Myself
We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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Death Food Funny Greatness Myself
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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Darkness Hard Time Optimism Positive Present Success Thinking
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Inspirational Memories Myself Success Talk Thinking
Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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Blame Head Heart Love Myself Sex
I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Myself Oneself Thankful
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
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If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Fashion Military Ugly Yourself

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