“Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.”

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

The aim of public education is not to spread enlightenment at all; it is simply to reduce as many individuals as possible to the same safe level, to breed a standard citizenry, to put down dissent and originality.

The central belief of every moron is that he is the victim of a mysterious conspiracy against his common rights and true deserts.

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.

Evangelical Christianity, as everyone knows, is founded upon hate, as the Christianity of Christ was founded upon love.

After all is said and done, a hell lot of a lot more is said than done.

There are two kinds of Europeans: The smart ones, and those who stayed behind.

It doesn’t take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

When somebody says it’s not about the money, it’s about the money.

Don’t overestimate the decency of the human race.

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

Equality before the law is probably forever unattainable. It is a noble ideal, but it can never be realized, for what men value in this world is not rights but privileges.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

Laws are no longer made by a rational process of public discussion; they are made by a process of blackmail and intimidation, and they are executed in the same manner

A great democracy has got to be progressive or it will soon cease to be great or a democracy.

There are fundamentals of democracy, and they should be understood universally in different countries.

Some of us gave a little blood for the right to participate in the democratic process.

If I don’t get along with Democrats, I’m sort of, like, out of business.

It is an axiom in my mind, that our liberty can never be safe but in the hands of the people themselves, and that too of the people with a certain degree of instruction. This it is the business of the State to effect, and on a general plan.

India is a country that shares the values of freedom, democracy, basic human rights and the rule of law with the United States and Japan.

Russia does not and cannot have any political choice but democracy.

Democratic societies are unfit for the publication of such thunderous revelations as I am in the habit of making.