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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.

Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Game Himself Legal Man
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
ERMA BOMBECK

Body Born Children Deep Mom Pregnant
Housework can kill you if done right.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Kill Work Yourself
Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
ERMA BOMBECK

Age Run Time Young
It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Move Theory Yourself
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Experience Food Funny Hope Humor Man Myself Pieces Travel
Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
ERMA BOMBECK

Appearance Gift Hide Price Women
Children make your life important.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Important Literature One Liner Worth
There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
ERMA BOMBECK

Gift Morning Sad Spiritual Wake Up World
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECK

Advice Appearance
Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
ERMA BOMBECK

Evening Failure Feeling Goodness Misery Sun
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Life
A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
ERMA BOMBECK

Kindess Night Oneself Parents Price
When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Path Tough
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
ERMA BOMBECK

Civilization Humor Loss
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
ERMA BOMBECK

Believe Book Children Friendship Herself Library Myself

Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.

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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.

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Popular Authors

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