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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Erma Bombeck

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Family Funny Mom Myself Safety
Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Encouragement Independence Lose
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Life
Every puppy should have a boy.
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Boy Company Dog Friendship
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
ERMA BOMBECK

Care Compassion Each Other Face Human Love Nation Patience Reflection
Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
ERMA BOMBECK

Endurance Family Friendship Funny Garden Place
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
ERMA BOMBECK

Believe Book Children Friendship Herself Library Myself
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
ERMA BOMBECK

Home Result Stop Work
Never have more children than you have car windows.
ERMA BOMBECK

Advice Children Funny Yourself
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Experience Food Funny Hope Humor Man Myself Pieces Travel
When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
ERMA BOMBECK

Beginning Children Room Yourself
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
ERMA BOMBECK

Determination Difference Fame Greatness Success
Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Funny Parents Reward Survive
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
ERMA BOMBECK

Civilization Humor Loss
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Expectation Funny Life Oneself Sarcastic
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Humor Moments Woman

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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