When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECKMy kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK