I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
ERMA BOMBECKMy kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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He who laughs lasts.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECK







