If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
ERMA BOMBECKGood kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
ERMA BOMBECK