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My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew’s and Albert Einstein’s.

Dick Cavett

When I’m doing an appearance somewhere and taking questions from the audience, I can always count on: ‘Tell about the guy who died on your show!’
DICK CAVETT

Appearance Count Death Show Talk Yourself
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
DICK CAVETT

Acceptance Financial People Profit Yourself
A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.
DICK CAVETT

Big Book Mistake Reading Start Yourself
I’ll be happy if I can just stay out of Nebraska.
DICK CAVETT

Away Happiness Myself Stay
The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.
DICK CAVETT

Force Police Sex
Comedians are sometimes resentful of their writers. Probably because it’s hard for giant egos to admit you need anyone but yourself to be what you are.
DICK CAVETT

Comedy Need Resent Writing Yourself
I confess, I do have to remind myself almost daily that there are people on this earth capable of reading, writing, eating and dressing themselves who believe their lives are ruled from billions of miles away, by the stars – and, of course, the planets.
DICK CAVETT

Believe Confession Live Planet Reading Reminder Space
I get a kick out of people saying I was funny.
DICK CAVETT

Funny Myself People
The greatest benefit of depression is the fact that when I have talked about it, every so often someone comes up and says, you saved my dad’s life.
DICK CAVETT

Benefit Father Greatness Life Myself
Being the offspring of English teachers is a mixed blessing. When the film star says to you, on the air, ‘It was a perfect script for she and I,’ inside your head you hear, in the sarcastic voice of your late father, ‘Perfect for she, eh? And perfect for I, also?’
DICK CAVETT

Blessing Head Movie Myself Perfection Teacher
It’s not always easy to identify your own voice. It comes with time.
DICK CAVETT

Easy Identify Time Voice Yourself
I’ve actually gotten so I don’t associate television with entertainment very much.
DICK CAVETT

Associate Entertainment Myself Television
The information superhighway? That sounds like a place that’s long and boring and kills 50,000 people a year.
DICK CAVETT

Information Kill People Place Sound
There were several things a Yale freshman was supposed to be able to do. You had to demonstrate in the Olympic-size Yale pool that you could swim 50 yards or be inducted into swimming class.
DICK CAVETT

Class Fresh Olympic Several Yourself
To call New York’s traffic at holiday time a nightmare is to understate.
DICK CAVETT

Holiday Night Time Traffic
There should be three days a week when no one is allowed to say: ‘What’s your sign?’ Violators would have their copies of Kahlil Gibran confiscated.
DICK CAVETT

Allow Day Violate

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew’s and Albert Einstein’s.

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My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew’s and Albert Einstein’s.

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Popular Authors

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