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I don’t want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.

Dave Chappelle

Once you been performing on the streets you can conquer any venue.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Conquer Performance Street Venue
Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they’re socially callous.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Comedy Earth People Sensitive Social
No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone, you answer it.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Answer Children Hands Old Phone Yourself
People don’t know what it’s like standing up there onstage, when you have a wall of people smiling at you.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

People Smile Stand Wall Yourself
I have all these weird fantasies. Going coast-to-coast on my motorcycle and having random barbecues all over America. No show, no nothing.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Fantasy Myself
Weed’s not as bad as everything else… ’cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain’t crisp… but you’ll function.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Bad Function Smoking Substance Yourself
If you don’t have the right people around you and you’re moving at a million miles an hour you can lose yourself.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Lose People Right Yourself
Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I’m seven years late for work.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Late Listening Myself Quit Work
I’m cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Condition Failure Love Myself People
Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you’re interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Comedy Interest Place World Yourself
I’m famous today. People like me today. Might not like me tomorrow. You can’t count on it.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Change Count Day Future Myself People
Chivalry is dead. Women killed it.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Action Death Kill Woman
My wife asked me once if I weren’t a comedian, what I would do. I couldn’t answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Comedy Imagination Myself Question Wife
The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It’s dismissive. “I don’t understand this person. So they’re crazy.” That’s bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Call Crazy People Strong Worst
I’m happier in the way a guy gets happier when he starts to mature. It doesn’t make things easier, but I’m so much better at handling them.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Better Happiness Mature Myself Start
Stand-up is the kind of gig that’ll show you where you’re at.
DAVE CHAPPELLE

Kind Stand Yourself

I don’t want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.

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I don’t want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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