If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you’d be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.
BRAD WILLIAMSIf you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you’d be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.
BRAD WILLIAMSThere are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat.
BRAD WILLIAMSI’m funny because I’m funny. And there’s more to offer.
BRAD WILLIAMSWhen a soldier of the night’s watch dies they say, “And now his watch is over.” That’s what they say when a comedian dies. They go, “And now his tour is done.”
BRAD WILLIAMSI’m in awe of comedians that do things that I can’t do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be – hell, Carrot Top. I can’t be Carrot Top. I can’t.
BRAD WILLIAMSEveryone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to – everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.
BRAD WILLIAMSI don’t know, why am I called the opposite of what I am? It’s very confusing to me.
BRAD WILLIAMSI don’t know why you’d go to a comedian and say, “You know what? You have a large menu of items, but this one thing I did not like and therefore, you should be shut down. You should cease to make a living and you should be thrown out in the streets.”
BRAD WILLIAMSThere is often times when I’m in a bar or after a show, and a woman just grabs my head and shoves it into her cleavage, or grabs my ass, or something like that which – don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining, but it’s just interesting. It’s just interesting that that occurs.
BRAD WILLIAMSI admire ventriloquists, because I can’t do that. I mean, I might get mistaken for a ventriloquist dummy every now and then, but I can’t do what they do.
BRAD WILLIAMSNow, I’ve gotten to the point in my career, I’m 13 years in, to where I know that I’m funny. I know that I’m good at this.
BRAD WILLIAMSEvery now and then you’ll say something that didn’t quite work. But the important thing is, as a comic, you try to learn why it didn’t. And then you adjust and figure out how to either make it work or just abandon it because it’s just not funny.
BRAD WILLIAMSI was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.
BRAD WILLIAMSThat is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.
BRAD WILLIAMSPeople ask me a lot like, “Hey, so when are you done with your tour?” Like when I die. That’s when I’m done with my tour.
BRAD WILLIAMSIf I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, “That joke offended me,” I’m still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.
BRAD WILLIAMS