I admire ventriloquists, because I can’t do that. I mean, I might get mistaken for a ventriloquist dummy every now and then, but I can’t do what they do.
There are things that I won’t joke about, but it’s not because I don’t think they’re funny or they can’t be made funny. It’s just that they don’t fit my particular skill set.
I don’t know why you’d go to a comedian and say, “You know what? You have a large menu of items, but this one thing I did not like and therefore, you should be shut down. You should cease to make a living and you should be thrown out in the streets.”
I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That’s the constant. That’s the thing that I’m going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It’s a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.
Most of the times to be honest with you, I get sexually harassed certainly more than I do to females, because… they are comfortable with me, and because they know I can’t take it to a dangerous place.
If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you’d be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.
It’s weird when people ask me, “Why are you so nice?” It’s like, “Because that’s just what you should do. You should be kind to people.” It seems really basic, but it’s amazing how many people forget that.
I was a disabled child. So, people made fun of me, don’t pretend like this never happens. But at the same time, I never cried about it. I never got sad about it.
I’m in awe of comedians that do things that I can’t do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be – hell, Carrot Top. I can’t be Carrot Top. I can’t.
If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, “That joke offended me,” I’m still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.
Every now and then you’ll say something that didn’t quite work. But the important thing is, as a comic, you try to learn why it didn’t. And then you adjust and figure out how to either make it work or just abandon it because it’s just not funny.
