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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

Now, I’ve gotten to the point in my career, I’m 13 years in, to where I know that I’m funny. I know that I’m good at this.

Brad Williams

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More Brad Williams Quotes

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  It’s weird when people ask me, “Why are you so nice?” It’s like, “Because that’s just what you should do. You should be kind to people.” It seems really basic, but it’s amazing how many people forget that.

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  I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.

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• 

  I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That’s the constant. That’s the thing that I’m going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.

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• 

  I don’t know why you’d go to a comedian and say, “You know what? You have a large menu of items, but this one thing I did not like and therefore, you should be shut down. You should cease to make a living and you should be thrown out in the streets.”

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• 

  I’m funny because I’m funny. And there’s more to offer.

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• 

  I try not to be hateful.

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• 

  It’s very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

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  That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

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  There are things that I won’t joke about, but it’s not because I don’t think they’re funny or they can’t be made funny. It’s just that they don’t fit my particular skill set.

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• 

  Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to – everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.

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• 

  I’m in awe of comics that do things that I can’t do, or haven’t tried doing yet.

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• 

  I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It’s a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

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• 

  Every now and then we’re going to fail.

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• 

  In every other aspect of their life, we have entertainment that is crafted almost to an individual. So they expect that from stand-up as well.

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• 

  Most of the times to be honest with you, I get sexually harassed certainly more than I do to females, because… they are comfortable with me, and because they know I can’t take it to a dangerous place.

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• 

  I don’t know, why am I called the opposite of what I am? It’s very confusing to me.

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• 

  Comedian makes the statement that just isn’t true.

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• 

  I don’t take too many things too seriously.

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• 

  If I do talk politics it’s very surface, it’s not in-depth.

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• 

  I hate that when people are like, “Well, all dwarves know each other, right?” And you want to get mad, but you can’t because we do.

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• 

  There is often times when I’m in a bar or after a show, and a woman just grabs my head and shoves it into her cleavage, or grabs my ass, or something like that which – don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining, but it’s just interesting. It’s just interesting that that occurs.

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• 

  I’m in awe of comedians that do things that I can’t do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be – hell, Carrot Top. I can’t be Carrot Top. I can’t.

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• 

  If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, “That joke offended me,” I’m still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.

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• 

  I found out if you’re a funny guy, a lot of people like you.

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• 

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• 

  When a soldier of the night’s watch dies they say, “And now his watch is over.” That’s what they say when a comedian dies. They go, “And now his tour is done.”

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• 

  I admire ventriloquists, because I can’t do that. I mean, I might get mistaken for a ventriloquist dummy every now and then, but I can’t do what they do.

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