My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSEMy wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSEWhen the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
BOB MONKHOUSEMarriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
BOB MONKHOUSEI know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
BOB MONKHOUSEMy wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
BOB MONKHOUSESilence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
BOB MONKHOUSEI came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!
BOB MONKHOUSEThey all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.
BOB MONKHOUSEWith my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSEWhat do gardeners do when they retire?
BOB MONKHOUSEA miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
BOB MONKHOUSEWhere do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
BOB MONKHOUSEI’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.
BOB MONKHOUSEI’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
BOB MONKHOUSEI’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
BOB MONKHOUSEI got my start in silent radio.
BOB MONKHOUSE