If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
BO BURNHAMI thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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They must have some special kind of cereal!’ My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.
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I don’t try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.
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I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
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The classic comedian says there’s nothing that’s taboo; if you laugh at one thing you’ve got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.
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Where are all the sour patch parents?
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I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.
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I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in – and I never went.
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All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
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Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.
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People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
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You love the people that give you money and attention? Of course you do, that’s not selfless that you love your fans, that’s ridiculous.
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I never felt like I was stealing anyone’s fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.
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Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.
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My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It’s much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it.
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“Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?” I don’t worship comedy; at the end of the day I don’t fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.
BO BURNHAM