There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
BO BURNHAMThere’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
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Bitches and hoes don’t exist because the hoes know Bo’s a feminist.
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Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don’t.
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I don’t try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.
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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
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If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
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All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
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I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
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I love you just the way you are but you don’t see you like I do. You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.
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I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
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Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it’s really fun to do and Oprah’s on it.
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I’m interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they’re scary, and they’re important to think about.
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I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
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I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
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Where are all the sour patch parents?
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