“And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts… Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they’re for.”

Some love is just a lie of the heart, the cold remains of what began with a passionate heart.

Davey Crocket, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland.

Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes; I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again

You can pay Uncle Sam with all your overtime, is that all you get for your money?

There are people who have lost every trace of human kindness.

We all end in the ocean. We all start in the streams. We’re all carried along, by the river of dreams.

I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints – the sinners are much more fun.

…And you’re the only one who knows.

You can walk away from your mistakes You can turn your back on what you do Just a little smile is all it takes And you can have your cake and eat it too.

You want to give people a reason to hate my guts more? I’m making more money.

Even when I stop performing or stop making records I won’t stop being creative. Songwriting is a good outlet.

Give us this day our daily discount outlet merchandise…

you may be right, I may be crazy, but it just might be a lunatic you’re looking for

I didn’t graduate high school, so I never got a teacher’s education, I’m mostly self-read, self-taught.

It’s OK if you mess up. You should give yourself a break.

I am the entertainer, I’ve come to do my show You’ve heard my latest record, it’s been on the radio

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.

Golf’s really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. … I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie.

There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.