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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.

Billy Connolly

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Music Optimism People Wanter
Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Empowerment Psychics Thinking
I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Friendship Glasgow Hands Suits
A fart is just your arse applauding.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Funny Humor
Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Disease Media Negativity
It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Change Mind Often Reserve
I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Breaking Girl Heart Thinking Worse
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Department Parent Pet Zoos
Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Expensive Looks Stolen
Don’t work out, work in.
BILLY CONNOLLY

never Out Work
Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Children Nice Wife
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Reserves Successful
Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arches Audience People
I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Found People Scared
I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Childlike Growing Mean Thinking
I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Angel Believe Marijuana Suppose Wings

I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.

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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.

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Popular Authors

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