Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
BILLY CONNOLLYI don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
BILLY CONNOLLY