I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
BILLY CONNOLLYI hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
BILLY CONNOLLY