Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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The more you know the less the better.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
BILLY CONNOLLY