People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
BILLY CONNOLLY[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
BILLY CONNOLLY