black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.

Billy Connolly

People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Around Dies Normal People
I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Believe Jesus Teacher
Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Answers Guy Mountain
For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Animal Desire Winning
A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Offending People Religious
In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Differences Everything Funny Menu Travel
When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Acting Hell Real
Try to live in a place you like.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Like Place Trying
I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Becoming Engineer Joined Knowing Queues
Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Cowardice Language Politically Correct
Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Baby Bastard Purpose
If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Buckets Lose Utensils Weight
I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Acting Consuming Drawing Stuff
I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Hands Issues People Pound
Don’t work out, work in.
BILLY CONNOLLY

never Out Work
Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Expensive Looks Stolen

[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Billy Connolly Quotes