I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
BILLY CONNOLLYChic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
BILLY CONNOLLY