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I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.

Bill Hicks

Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
BILL HICKS

Rushing Satan Speaking Watch
Rock stars against drugs–that’s what we want, isn’t it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We’re partying now!
BILL HICKS

Approved Party Rocks Stars
Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?
BILL HICKS

Anyone Law Pot Profit
Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.
BILL HICKS

Created Fear Organization
I’ll smoke, I’ll cough, I’ll get the tumors, I’ll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]
BILL HICKS

Country Deals Salute
See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you’ve got the money!
BILL HICKS

Country Expression United States
It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.
BILL HICKS

Good Jesus Real Smoking
Let’s do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who’ve seen me before might know that.
BILL HICKS

Add Comedy might Show
Good comedy helps people know they’re not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
BILL HICKS

Answers Helping People
As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
BILL HICKS

Long People Responsibility
Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America… you are free to do as we tell you… you are free to do as we tell you.
BILL HICKS

Back Country Free Government
I’m totally confused about what I’m going to do with my life.
BILL HICKS

Confused Going Life Totally
Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
BILL HICKS

Cigarette Smoke Eye Smoking
I’m an American who loves an America which doesn’t exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
BILL HICKS

Country Ideas Land
Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves…After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.
BILL HICKS

Cold Environment Next War
Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour.
BILL HICKS

Cow Mushroom Thinking

I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.

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I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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