You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: “Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons.” How do you know that? “Uh, well… we looked at the receipts.”
BILL HICKSNicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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Surgeon General’s warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.
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I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.
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I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor – even President, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns.
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Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.
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I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.
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I can’t believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.
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I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
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I’ll smoke, I’ll cough, I’ll get the tumors, I’ll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]
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May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth… see you at the final.
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Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.
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We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
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So, it’s good to be here, wherever I am.
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Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let’s put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
BILL HICKS