I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night.
BILL HICKSWhat do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
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You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I’m not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that’s the connection they’re trying to make.
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I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine!
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I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin’ [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] ‘good evening everybody, remember me, smoking’s bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww.
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I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.
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All your beliefs, they’re just that. They’re nothing. They’re how you were taught and raised. That doesn’t make ’em real.
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We are losing the ‘War on Drugs,’ which means there’s a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.
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I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…
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You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: “Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons.” How do you know that? “Uh, well… we looked at the receipts.”
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You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That’s like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
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All day long you see those commercials: ‘Here’s Your Brain, Just Say No’…and the next commercial is: ‘This Bud’s For You.’
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They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
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You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day”. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
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What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
BILL HICKS