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It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.

Bill Hicks

You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I’m not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that’s the connection they’re trying to make.
BILL HICKS

Connection Make Trying
They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
BILL HICKS

Apathetic Consumer Docile Want
I don’t care if you’re obscene, filthy, horrendous — as long as you’re honest.
BILL HICKS

Caring Honest Long
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don’t want any gay people hanging around me while I’m killing kids. I just don’t want to see it.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Military
Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.
BILL HICKS

Jesus Stories Today
I was in Australia….Lotta leg room down under. Apartments: dollar a month. 2000-acre den….think of the parties.
BILL HICKS

Australia Party Thinking
Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America… you are free to do as we tell you… you are free to do as we tell you.
BILL HICKS

Back Country Free Government
STRATFORD SUCKS!’ Am I supposed to run after these guys? I’d just stand there, you know. They’d back up. ‘STRATFORD SUCKS! …STRATFORD SUCKS!’ I’d say, ‘I know. I go there. You’re wasting gas, man.
BILL HICKS

After Know Stratford Sucks Suppose
If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.
BILL HICKS

Burning Drugs Political Thinking
I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego.
BILL HICKS

Chance Ego Giving
If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
BILL HICKS

Block Cemeteries Funny Humor
….All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I’ll be here all week.
BILL HICKS

Drug Poor Rich War Week
I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.
BILL HICKS

Bullshit Humanity Shoes Tired
You want a better world…? Legalize pot right now. …end the deficit? Legalize pot right now…biggest cash crop in America.
BILL HICKS

Cash Country World
I’m totally confused about what I’m going to do with my life.
BILL HICKS

Confused Going Life Totally
I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that’s interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy.
BILL HICKS

Democracy Interesting Jesus Lying Sarcasm

It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.

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It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.

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