Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
BILL HICKSNicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
BILL HICKSI got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin’ [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] ‘good evening everybody, remember me, smoking’s bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww.
BILL HICKSSo, it’s good to be here, wherever I am.
BILL HICKSSixteen years I’ve pounded my head against the mentality of America, which…I’d say it’s about an 8th grade emotional level.
BILL HICKSWhen two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
BILL HICKSI smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
BILL HICKSBTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.
BILL HICKSI love talking about Kennedy assassination…a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government…sorry, wrong meeting.
BILL HICKSPeople are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings…brings a whole new meaning to that phrase ‘You ain’t from around here, ar’ya?’
BILL HICKSThey believe the bible is the exact word of God – Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? “I think what God meant to say…”
BILL HICKSWhat do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
BILL HICKSI smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin’ mouth.
BILL HICKSI’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.
BILL HICKSWhat kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
BILL HICKSEver notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day.” Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
BILL HICKSYou know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: “Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons.” How do you know that? “Uh, well… we looked at the receipts.”
BILL HICKS