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Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.

Bill Hicks

If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.
BILL HICKS

Agnostic Atheism Atheist
I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.
BILL HICKS

Business Kids Men Running
They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
BILL HICKS

Comedian Good Life Smoking
I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I’ll give you a hint… it has to do with creating and sharing.
BILL HICKS

Believe Creating Order Planet Purpose
What does an atheist scream when they come?
BILL HICKS

Atheist Come Scream
The role of the comedian is to say ‘Wait a minute’ when a consensus starts to form.
BILL HICKS

Comedian Roles Starts Waiting
I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.
BILL HICKS

Average Funny Humor
Isn’t that weird, we’ve made nature against the law. That’s how un-natural we’ve become.
BILL HICKS

Law Made Natural
It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party.
BILL HICKS

Country Party Political
You know what I hate about working? Bosses…The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well…I think you see the conflict.
BILL HICKS

Hate Ideas Thinking
All day long you see those commercials: ‘Here’s Your Brain, Just Say No’…and the next commercial is: ‘This Bud’s For You.’
BILL HICKS

Brain Bud Commercial Long
Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added ’em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.
BILL HICKS

Added Age Bible People Years
I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.
BILL HICKS

Eight Night Sleep
I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.
BILL HICKS

Happiness Ideas Laughter Revolutionary
I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
BILL HICKS

Coffee Real Skins
But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It’s no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.
BILL HICKS

Miracle Sex Wonderful

Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.

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Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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