I was a weekend drinker…I’d start on Saturday, end on Friday…thought I was controlling it…but I don’t drink any more.
BILL HICKSWhat kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I’ll give you a hint… it has to do with creating and sharing.
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How would you like to get inside that guy’s mind and look around for a hour? That guy sees opportunity at every glance, doesn’t he?
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Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
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Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.
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They believe the bible is the exact word of God – Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? “I think what God meant to say…”
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I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York… Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!
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You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day”. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
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And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, “This is my creation, perfect in every way… oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they’ll think I want them to smoke it… Now I have to create Republicans.”
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I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
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Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added ’em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.
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I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
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I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor – even President, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns.
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People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn’t have, seeing as it’s being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
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They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
BILL HICKS







