It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.
BILL ENGVALLLadies, you wake up tomorrow and the newspaper reads Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth. That would be awesome.
More Bill Engvall Quotes
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I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
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I swear to you, I am the cheapest drunk on the planet. It takes nothing to get me loopy and doing stupid stuff. Yeah. Some of you like that? Well… like riding an electric floor buffer for a shot of tequila. Did it!
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I’d love to be a woman for one day of my life… God… I would be drunk with power.
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Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.
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Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.
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I’ve come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid’s parent/teacher conference.
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I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there’s only one way to test it.
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You know your getting older when you lay in bed til 10am and think to yourself god I just wasted half the day.
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To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.
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The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.
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I was a dork hunter. That’s hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
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Just when I think the human race has been lost to the “what about me” people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.
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How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?
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I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked.
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I’ve never read a kayak manual, but I’m pretty sure page one says ‘Use in water.’
BILL ENGVALL