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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

Bill Bailey

Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
BILL BAILEY

Country Funny Humor Over People
My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
BILL BAILEY

Beautiful Guitar Tremendous Value Vintage
Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
BILL BAILEY

Contentment Happiness Knowing Someone
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
BILL BAILEY

Admire Funny Humor Hurt Ikea
I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
BILL BAILEY

Disappointment Kinder Surprise
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
BILL BAILEY

Alive Die Funny Humor
What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Harp Humor Long
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
BILL BAILEY

Electricity Kings Law People Running
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Rocks Whine
There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
BILL BAILEY

Box Evil Funny Humor Suggestion
Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
BILL BAILEY

Males Pubs Three
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
BILL BAILEY

Dad Face Funny Humor Wrong
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
BILL BAILEY

Funny God Morning Sorry
Contentment is knowing you’re right
BILL BAILEY

Contentment Knowing Right
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEY

Existentialist Funny Humor
There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
BILL BAILEY

Couple Funny Hold Humor Position

My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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