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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

Bill Bailey

Work hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEY

Hard Mean Save Work
It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Life Outlook
What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Harp Humor Long
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Rocks Whine
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
BILL BAILEY

Door Funny Humor Jobs More
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Keyboard Loose Sound
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Milk Mother
People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Optimist People
I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
BILL BAILEY

Ducks Funny Humor Strict
My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
BILL BAILEY

Beautiful Guitar Tremendous Value Vintage
There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
BILL BAILEY

Couple Funny Hold Humor Position
I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
BILL BAILEY

Quite Sometimes Stressful Way Worry
I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
BILL BAILEY

Concrete Funny Humor Pigs
The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
BILL BAILEY

Biscuits Fire Funny Humor Spontaneous
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
BILL BAILEY

College Jobs Thinking Time Whole
But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
BILL BAILEY

Country Funny Humor Shootest

My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Bailey Quotes