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Most people don’t deserve to be spoken of in the same breath as Chaplin or Lucille Ball.

Bette Midler

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
BETTE MIDLER

Funny Hilarious Love
Cherish forever what makes you unique, ‘cuz you’re really a yawn if it goes.
BETTE MIDLER

Acceptance Inspirational Strong Women
I celebrate everyone’s religious holidays. if it’s good enough for the righteous, it’s good enough for the self-righteous, I always say.
BETTE MIDLER

Holiday Religious Self
GOD is watching us, from a Distance.
BETTE MIDLER

Distance God Watching
I tried to charm the pants off Bob Dylan, but everyone will be disappointed to learn that I was unsuccessful. I got close – a couple of fast feels in the front seat of a Cadillac.
BETTE MIDLER

Cadillacs Couple Sex
Cats always seem so very wise, when staring with their half-closed eyes. Can they be thinking, I’ll be nice, and maybe she will feed me twice?
BETTE MIDLER

Funny Nice Wise
In a marriage, you struggle and struggle and struggle, and then you realize that you have to ride the horse in the direction it’s going. You stop trying to pull the reins in another direction.
BETTE MIDLER

Horse Struggle Trying
Life is like cooking your masterpiece recipe. You have to get the right ingredients,have the right mixture and the right cooking time to reveal the PERFECT and DELICIOUS TASTE of your craft.
BETTE MIDLER

Cooking Life Perfect
When I read that, I burst into tears. It was so generous and so basic. Not fluffy. I can’t understand why we scrimp on education and shortchange our kids. Why would the citizenry do that to the people who are going to inherit its republic?
BETTE MIDLER

Country Generous Kids Shortchange Understand
Most people don’t deserve to be spoken of in the same breath as Chaplin or Lucille Ball.
BETTE MIDLER

Balls People
If you pick up a ukulele, it will make you unbelievably happy.
BETTE MIDLER

Happy Picks Ukulele
All these rumors about [Tom Cruise] being gay. I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it for one minute. He hasn’t been to one of my shows.
BETTE MIDLER

Believe Gay Rumor
Everyone goes through their winters and springs, and their summers and autumns.
BETTE MIDLER

Autumn Spring Summer
You have to be alert. When my daughter, Sophie, came out of the womb, she was instantly alert, as if she had been here before. And she was a little disappointed that she was here again.
BETTE MIDLER

Daughter Littles Sophie
[On Princess Anne:] Such an active, outdoorsy lass. She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.
BETTE MIDLER

Princess Royalty Spite
When I turned 50, I threw myself a big birthday party, and I looked seriously at what my life has been about. I recommend this to everybody. Ask yourself, “What have I done? How did I do it? Where’d I mess up?
BETTE MIDLER

Assessment Land Party

Most people don’t deserve to be spoken of in the same breath as Chaplin or Lucille Ball.

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Most people don’t deserve to be spoken of in the same breath as Chaplin or Lucille Ball.

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Popular Authors

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