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If they [at the audition] don’t like the way you sound they won’t buy you anyway, ripped dress or no ripped dress, ass hanging out or no ass hanging out.

Bette Midler

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
BETTE MIDLER

Funny Hilarious Love
Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reeds. Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your heart to bleed. Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need. I say love, it is a flower and you, its only seed.
BETTE MIDLER

Flower Heart River
For days on end, I would hardly speak, and when I did only the vilest sort of gibberish would spout forth. I became morose and fat. Unapproachable, except when eating – and then only by waiters.
BETTE MIDLER

Depression Eating Speak
I try not to drink too much because when I’m drunk, I bite.
BETTE MIDLER

Drinking Drunk Perspective
There’s the media-driven universe, in which the public perceives you in a superficial way. Then there’s the universe that you actually inhabit, where you have to get up even if you didn’t sleep so well, and you feel like crap and your face is swollen.
BETTE MIDLER

Media Sleep Way
Sometimes you have to make your own opportunities, and that’s why I’m on TV. I wasn’t going to sit around anymore, waiting for the damn phone to ring. I had to create my own place – I’ve always done that.
BETTE MIDLER

Opportunity Phones Waiting
A person’s life is a journey, a road. Sometimes you go off the road and sometimes you stay on all the way through. But you are the only one on that road. It’s your road.
BETTE MIDLER

Journey Sometimes Way
If somebody makes me laugh, I’m his slave for life.
BETTE MIDLER

Laugh Laughing Slave
I read neither good nor bad about me. I let it not even in my life, so it has no effect on me. I am very sensitive.
BETTE MIDLER

Effect Good Read Sensitive
Culturally, it’s very hard to change people’s attitudes about public space.
BETTE MIDLER

Attitude People Space
I sold my soul to rock ‘n’ roll.
BETTE MIDLER

Rocks Roll Sold Soul
Just because people don’t meet you doesn’t mean they’re not out there breaking their asses trying to get around.
BETTE MIDLER

Mean People Trying
It’s important that you all agree on what the parameters are and what you can accomplish – and not get pissed off or beat yourself up for what you can’t accomplish.
BETTE MIDLER

Beats Important Off Pissed
I don’t need anyone to write me a show in my style, I would like to do a show in a style that wasn’t my style, because that’s the only way I can grow up and grow out.
BETTE MIDLER

Growing Style Up Writing
I decided years ago not to read stories about myself anymore. Each one is a potential minefield: Whatever it says, you’re bound to take it the wrong way. Why do it if you know it’s going to make you miserable?
BETTE MIDLER

Stories Way Years
Men’s brains are smaller than those of women so they can fit into their penises.
BETTE MIDLER

Brain Fit Men
Sometimes my brain goes on CD shuffle. You know, you put a bunch of CD’s on and hit play and random things come out.
BETTE MIDLER

Brain Play Random
I feel like a million tonight – but one at a time.
BETTE MIDLER

Inspiration Memorable Tonight
We’re all divine, but I was the only one who had the nerve to call myself that.
BETTE MIDLER

Divine Myself Nerves
If someone were to say seriously, “I’m divine,” she’d have to be locked up. There are lots of people in mental institutions going around saying “I’m God.” But because I’m funny about it, they haven’t locked me up yet. And I don’t give myself airs, either.
BETTE MIDLER

Air Giving People
The outside world doesn’t have a lot to offer. You have to make your own heaven in your own home.
BETTE MIDLER

Heaven Home World
My daughter very independent. But if she’s upset about something, she will absolutely let me know. She’s great – a real tough cookie.
BETTE MIDLER

Daughter Independent Real
it will cleanse itself, and new life forms, maybe better ones, will come. Meanwhile, we’ll have gotten exactly what we deserved: annihilation.
BETTE MIDLER

Annihilation Costume Exactly Gotten
[On Princess Anne:] Such an active, outdoorsy lass. She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.
BETTE MIDLER

Princess Royalty Spite
I read a comment that made me think I should stop singing for a while. And I didn’t want to stop singing, because it was the only thing I loved. At first I thought,
BETTE MIDLER

Please Singing Thinking
I never know how much of what I say is true.
BETTE MIDLER

Cynicism Funny Truth
When I turned 50, I threw myself a big birthday party, and I looked seriously at what my life has been about. I recommend this to everybody. Ask yourself, “What have I done? How did I do it? Where’d I mess up?
BETTE MIDLER

Assessment Land Party

If they [at the audition] don’t like the way you sound they won’t buy you anyway, ripped dress or no ripped dress, ass hanging out or no ass hanging out.

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Popular Authors

If they [at the audition] don’t like the way you sound they won’t buy you anyway, ripped dress or no ripped dress, ass hanging out or no ass hanging out.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bette Midler Quotes