“Do unto others, then run”

Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?

Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren’t for Christmas We’d all be Jewish.

Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.

I thought I couldn’t afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: ‘Oh well,’ and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.

Live everyday as though it’s your last ’cause one day you’ll be right.

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?

I’m not against half naked girls – not as often as I’d like to be.

That’s what show business is, sincere insincerity.

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason… now I have a reason.

My life changed irrevocably four-and-a-half years ago when my spine failed and collapsed. I spent two years on the floor, in excruciating, debilitating and unrelenting pain.

Democracy may not prove in the long run to be as efficient as other forms of government, but it has one saving grace: it allows us to know and say that it isn’t.

I think that it’s important if you run for President that you have to make those important decisions. And your father, if he can help, probably, he helps just by being your father without getting intimately involved.

I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

The advice I have for beginners is the same philosophy that I have for runners of all levels of experience and ability — consistency, a sane approach, moderation and making your running an enjoyable, rather than dreaded, part of your life.

I worked out of desperation. I used to hit fast and run in hopes that people wouldn’t realize that I really couldn’t do anything.

In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.

I find that if I use my time well and take care of my mind/body when I’m outside of work, then I feel more supported throughout my day. So, instead of waking up and going straight for my cell phone or running to the gym.