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There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he’s a college professor!

Bennett Cerf

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.
BENNETT CERF

Age Birthday Middle
The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.
BENNETT CERF

Detroit Lasts Night
Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.
BENNETT CERF

Gross Ignorance Ordinary
I don’t stutter when I talk to God. He loves me.
BENNETT CERF

God Love Shutter
I think it’s become fashionable for the snobbish egghead today to make fun of television. I’ve heard many people, boast, “I would never have a television set in my house,” well, these people are fools.
BENNETT CERF

Fun People Thinking
In a notable family called Stein There were Gertrude, and Ep, and then Ein. Gert’s writing was hazy, Ep’s statues were crazy, And nobody understood Ein.
BENNETT CERF

Crazy Poetry Writing
One of the greatest threats facing book publishing, and the entire country for that matter, is censorship.
BENNETT CERF

Book Country Matter
The fact that we don’t read more books in America can be traced squarely to the fact that we have newspapers that are about a hundred times as big as the newspapers anywhere else.
BENNETT CERF

Book Country Facts
One of the troubles of the day, observes Mr. C.N. Peac, is that once we came upon the little red schoolhouse, whereas now we come upon the little-read school boy.
BENNETT CERF

Education School Teaching
Oratory is the art of making a loud noise sound like a deep thought.
BENNETT CERF

Art Deep Teaching Thought
For me, a hearty “belly laugh” is one of the beautiful sounds in the world.
BENNETT CERF

Beautiful Laughing Sound
The Atomic Age is here to stay – but are we?
BENNETT CERF

Age Peace War
Politicians are like ships: noisiest when lost in a fog.
BENNETT CERF

Fog Politician Ships
TV’s sameness has destroyed many things, such as the American urge toward independent thought.
BENNETT CERF

Country Independent Urges
Do I believe in ghosts? Of course I do. So do you. Deep in the souls of the most sophisticated of us is lurking a fear of the supernatural which all the discoveries of scientists cannot eradicate.
BENNETT CERF

Believe Discovery Soul
Banquet: a plate of cold, hairy chicken and artificially coloured green peas completely surrounded by dreary speeches and appeals for donations.
BENNETT CERF

Cooking Food Speech
The fundamental difference between the mystery story and the ghost story is the fact that a mystery demands a solution for its effectiveness; a ghost story is necessarily unsolvable; the reader must be willing to accept the fact that nothing is proved.
BENNETT CERF

Differences Effectiveness Ghost Stories
Most of the things that are supposed to be so objectionable in books are things that every teenager, in the United States, not only knows, but has talked about at length in school, or on the way home from school.
BENNETT CERF

Book Home Teenager
I think the right to read, is one of our inherent rights, and I think that people in America today are intelligent enough to decide for themselves what they want to read. Without being told, by self-appointed people, you must not read this, or you cannot read this.
BENNETT CERF

Intelligent Rights Thinking
There is a mass of people, we might as well admit, who if they weren’t watching television, would be doing absolutely nothing else.
BENNETT CERF

Else Nothing People Television
There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he’s a college professor!
BENNETT CERF

College Teaching Today
The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.
BENNETT CERF

Blessed Happiness Laughter
Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encountering raised eyebrows.
BENNETT CERF

Football Men Years
Good manners: The noise you don’t make when you’re eating soup.
BENNETT CERF

Cooking Food Soup
Fame – anyone who says he doesn’t like it is crazy
BENNETT CERF

Crazy Fame Madness

There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he’s a college professor!

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There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he’s a college professor!

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Popular Authors

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